Your favorite joke?
 

What's your favorite joke? I know there have been multiple joke threads, but not sure about a favorite joke thread. Rules are you can post a joke of any length, only your favorite and no more than one. No "they're equally good" bull shit, just post a joke that's your favorite.

My current favorite is in my signature, or incase you can't see signatures.

So this baby seal walks into a club.

Don't really have a favorite ~_~

Its not my favorite but it is funny as hell

A guy is in the market for a used motorcycle. He always wanted a big Harley. He shops around, answering ads in the newspaper, and is not having much luck. One day he comes across a beautiful classic Harley with a for sale" sign on it. Upon inspection, he is amazed to find the bike in mint condition. He inquires about it with the owner."This bike is beautiful! I'll take it. But you gotta tell me how you keep it in such good shape.

"Well," says the seller, "it's pretty simple. Just make sure that if the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain. In fact, since you're buying the bike I won't need my tube of Vaseline anymore. Here, you can have it." and he hands the buyer a tube of Vaseline.

The guy buys the bike and off he goes, a happy biker. He takes the bike over to show his girlfriend. She's ecstatic (being a Harley fan).

That night, he decides to ride the bike over to his girlfriend's parents' house. It's the first time he's going to meet them and figures it will make a big impression. When the couple gets to the house, the girlfriend grabs her boyfriend's arm.

"Honey," she says, "I gotta tell you something about my parents before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

The boyfriend is astounded. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the family room, another huge stack of dishes. Piled up the stairs, dirty dishes. In fact, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, the boyfriend decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses his girlfriend. No one says a word. So he decides to reach over and fondle her breasts. He looks at her parents, but still they keep quiet.

So he stands up, grabs his girlfriend, strips her naked, and they make love right on the dinner table. Still, no one says a word.

"Her Mom's kinda cute", he thinks. So he grabs his girlfriend's Mom and has his way with her right there on the dinner table. Again, total silence.

Then, a few raindrops hit the window and the boyfriend realizes it's starting to rain. He figures he'd better take care of the motorcycle, so he pulls the Vaseline from his pocket.

Suddenly the father stands up and shouts: "All right, all right! I'll do the damn dishes."

"Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because she had no arms and legs."

That's my favorite joke.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Rape.

There's this guy that is lost in a forest. Hes walking around, hasn't had anything to eat in a couple days, and he sees this huge house. So, being hungry and tired he runs up and knocks on the door, a little chineese man answers.

The chineese man looks at hims and says "GO AWAY!!! NO WANT YOU HERE!!"
The guy replies "Dude, I've been lost for a long time. I havn't had anything to eat in a while please....PLEASE just let me get something to eat maybe a little sleep in a bed and I'll be gone in the morning"
The chineese man replies "Hm...Just for one night and with one exception...DO NOT touch my daughter!"

So the guy goes in and sits down for dinner... The chineese daughter comes down to eat too and shes hot as fuck. They eat and all the while the daughter keeps winking and flashing looks at him all the while the chineese man doesn't notice at all...

So dinner is over and the guys uup in his room, he can't sleep all that well so he goes to get a glass of water. He walks next to the daughter's room, and she's laying on the bed naked. She tells him to fuck her hard. So he does, and he feels good so he goes to sleep and doesn't wake up till morning.

The little chineese man is standing in the doorway.Theres a rock on his chest.
Chineese man says "First chineese tourcher 100lb rock on chest"
So the guy looks at him and throws the rock out the window.
Chineese man says "Second chineese tourcher left nut tied to rock"
So the guy jumps out the window.
On the way down he sees a sign "Third chinees tourcher right nut tied to bed post"

And I don't get your joke =\

Wait. That's not funny :-\

Yeah.. and it's spelled horribly.

Little kid around the age of five came through my lane one day and I asked her to tell me a joke. Thus the joke goes as follows:


Her: Knock knock!
Me: Who's there?
Her: Penguin!
Me: Penguin who?
Her: Penguin who ate the WORLD!


Every one of her Knock knock jokes ended like that. 'Twas cute. ^_^

........

Why don't women need driver licenses?

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Because there's no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

What did the pig say in the desert?


I'M BACON

I see what you did thurr

How do you blind fold an asian person?


Put dental floss over their eyes




....only one i could think of.

wow thats terrible

Ok heres one

Did u hear about the guy that got a penis transplant?



His hand rejected it

A guy comes home from work early to find his wife in bed with another man. Enraged, the husband grabs the other man and drags him from the bedroom into his garage. Once he gets the guy into the garage, he clamps the guy's penis in a vice and locks it. The husband then goes digging around in the back of the garage and comes back with a saw. Terrified, the man asks "Are you going to saw off my dick!?" "No" the husband replies. "You are. I'm going to burn down the garage."

Ooooold

Seconded.

Motion passed!

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One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him."

So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir" he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!"

The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing. Where you from?"

"I'm from Dublin" came the reply.

"Me too! What street do you live on?"

"McCarthy street"

The second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?"

"162" the first man replies.

"Me too! What are your parents names?"

"Connor and Shannon"

The second man, almost dumbfounded says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!"

So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?"

"Oh nothing much, the Murphy twins are drunk again though."

lol. good joke, Lenny.

A little boy went to his father one day and asked him "Daddy, the kids at school were talking about vaginas. What is a vagina, daddy?" His father looked to him and said "Son...a vagina, before sex, is a like a beautiful, unopened rose. After sex, well...have you ever seen a bulldog eat a jar of mayonaise?"

Haha, that was pretty good.

That is disgusting.

My ex said that I had no idea how true that was.