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-   -   The Path (http://zelaron.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27068)

Jessifer 2004-01-29 10:39 AM

The Path
 
So here we stand in the middle of a horrible tragedy.
Which path are we going to walk down?
Will we take the path that leads us to a glorious future?
Or will we take the path that will lead us to our destruction?
You and I are the only ones to decide
If we as a human race will continue to thrive…
…Or cease to exist.
Thus far, we as humans have acted as if
There is nothing to lose
In this game of war that we play.
But in reality, we lose many
Due to our carelessness and immaturity.
What will our grandchildren have to say
About the events that are going on today?
Or will our grandchildren not even be born?
So what will we do?
If we do not start living together
In at least an understanding…
We will be no more.
What path will we take?
What will our future be?
You decide.

© Jessica W.

______________

Written after 9-11.

Dan XIII 2004-01-29 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessifer
So here we stand in the middle of a horrible tragedy.
Which path are we going to walk down?
Will we take the path that leads us to a glorious future?
Or will we take the path that will lead us to our destruction?
You and I are the only ones to decide
If we as a human race will continue to thrive…
…Or cease to exist.
Thus far, we as humans have acted as if
There is nothing to lose
In this game of war that we play.
But in reality, we lose many
Due to our carelessness and immaturity.
What will our grandchildren have to say
About the events that are going on today?
Or will our grandchildren not even be born?
So what will we do?
If we do not start living together
In at least an understanding…
We will be no more.
What path will we take?
What will our future be?
You decide.

© Jessica W.

______________

Written after 9-11.

I don't know how you think these up but good job.

Raziel 2004-02-01 07:39 AM

The only "criticism" I have is the last line. This is entirely my opinion, so discredit it if you wish. The entire poem uses "we" and references you and others as a group, creating a sense of community. However, the last line is basically an absolution of responsibility. It comes across as though you're saying "well, we're in this together, but I don't want the responsibility, so you make the important decisions and I'll go have a sandwich." I'd just say remove that line altogether. The line right before it would be perfectly suitable as an ending, and it would leave the reader actually asking themselves the question you're posing to them.

Again, this is all my opinion, and you don't have to listen to a work I say. Just throwing in my two cents.

Jessifer 2004-02-01 02:57 PM

What I meant by the last line is to let people know it's up to them on whether they want life to continue on or not, and that other's can't decide for them, if that makes sense. It's my personal belief that change begins with the individual.

I see what you mean, though. I haven't really looked at it that way, but it does make sense.

pr0xy 2004-02-01 07:21 PM

Raz that is what it means I dont think Jess knew that though... Think about it. People want to make a difference, they want to change. However once something goes wrong they dont want the responsibility. Well that is just how I see it. Nice job Jess

Dan XIII 2004-02-01 10:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pr0xy
Raz that is what it means I dont think Jess knew that though... Think about it. People want to make a difference, they want to change. However once something goes wrong they dont want the responsibility. Well that is just how I see it. Nice job Jess

nice job Jessifer on a well done poem


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