Mantralord's guide to surviving hurricanes.
 

As most of you know, but don't seem to care, my house seems to be right in the center path of Hurricane Frances. However gay and weak as I may look, I've been in the way of Death's winds many times, most notably grazing the outer wall of Hurricane Andrew. While most of you probably won't be in the way of this buzzsaw of doom, I've still taken the liberty of preparing a useful guide to surviving a hurricane:

Step 1: Buy the necessary supplies.

While food is a good necessity, you also need a way to pass the time. First, pay a visit to your local Home Depot (or Lowes if you swing that way), and get yourself a decent generator, and don't forget to purchase several dozen gallons of gas. Next, take a trip to the local XXX store, and stock up on magazines and DVD's of your favorite sexual flavor. Nothing passes the time better than masturbation, and that's swell. Use the generator to power your TV and DVD player.

Step 2: Armor yourself.

While a Shaftstop or Enigma armor may seem ideal here, be aware that these items do not exist in real life. While most people recommend using plywood to armor the house, I go with good ol' fashioned cement. Simply make a ton of cement, and use a shovel to swing it at the windows. Use a cement spatula to even out the layers, as this makes it more aerodynamic. Stick a few cigarrette butts into the cement for added strength.

Step 3: Arm yourself.

Let's face it, white people get a hissy-fit after any little trauma, and a hurricane is no exception. After a hurricane, supplies are low, tensions are high, and if you think people are going to nicely ask for supplies, think again. You need guns. Since gun shops generally have a waiting period, and people like buying things at the last moment (good job, assholes), the best place to get a weapon is from the ghetto Mexican standing at the corner. The trade should be easy, as not only money is accepted, but drugs are too. Remember to buy bullets too, nigga.


Well, that completes my guide. I hope it's as useful to you as it's been to me.

So what... has any hurricanes visited the ol' Gay 'o Rama Shack lately?

Hurricane Randiun did last night.

Kik kik kik, and fun it was.

HAHA ROFL.

So did Hurricane Slanish!

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

I'm doing the "Mantralord live broadcast from inside a hurricane" thread tomorrow.

Ganga's guide:

Get your ass out of there. MOVE!

Pft, more like Tropical Depression Slaynish.

That was actually a good one. You get a "good one" point, bringing you to somewhere near -71.

I got a better idea, make a huge ball out of something soft, go inside it, then let the hurricane pik joo up!
find a parachute b4 u got, so when ur falling u dont hit teh ground as hard,

near my house last year, a cyclone was like 100ft out at the water from our waterfront home, and i went out side, and got smashed against a wall, couldnt move, and was getting soaked.. rofl., i went 2 hospital.

I'm gona drive the 1hr 45mins to Mantra's house and we're gonna go looting afterwards! Many prizes for the members of Zelaron..!!

not

Yeah... being with hispanic gay people doesn't seem like that usual D3v idea of a good time.

That's so stupid how they're making names for hurricanes. It's a fucking hurricane, will it respond to its name? Hey JOHN get out of our city shoo!

Isn’t it dumb how they give names to programs? I mean, its just a big batch of 1s and 0s which when combined in a certain order tell a computer what to do. Why would you call a program “Diablo”, it just fucking boggles my mind how these retards come up with this shit.

How would you market a product then. Call up wallmart and ask for it by its source code? All you need to say is there is a hurricane off the coast of florida.

Because it's easier to refer to them by name than by calling them "that storm at 14.5N 139.8W".

By the way, great guide Mantra.

That would be harder to refer to.

You destroyed his anal tract?

I have an even better guide:

(1) Dont' live in an area that gets hit by hurricanes

sorry, I had to be sarcastic. I take it back, that was something I would've expected from Mantra.