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-   -   A lil Anecdote (http://zelaron.com/forum/showthread.php?t=34051)

Aurvian 2004-10-22 12:11 PM

A lil Anecdote
 
It was a stormy thursdy night
nothing much left in eyesight
but rain and car headlights

Then I was surrounded
One hundred of them came mounted

I was alone
they were armed
Lord, is this my finale
went off in my mind like an alarm

I started to buck
and with just that luck
they left nothn left but a dutch

Then I woke up to a daydream
I was still surrounded it seemed
this time friends and not my enemies

Raziel 2004-10-22 11:02 PM

I like the fact that you change the structure of the piece with each stanza. My only complaint would be some of the wording. The way you used the word "postpone" in particular just seems like you were reaching for a word to rhyme with. There are probably better words to use that will convey your intention a lot better than that one.

Aurvian 2004-11-01 06:53 AM

You were right postpone didnt make sense much so I change the entire line


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