Tony's defective Life June - October version
 

Around the beginning of June, I had gone to my friend Drew's house. About ten people circulated through that house a week, including the five people that lived there, so it was no surprised to find cockroaches crawling all over the floor, or when Drew - a gay black man - sat on his couch with nothing but a towel over his cock, looking at gay porn and buying underwear online.
However, the cherry on top was when I got home. Drew had neglected to tell me that he had just got over a terrible case of scabies, and for the next month, I spent my life, itchy and confused. Sometime in July I discovered the source of the insane, unending itch, and had to take frequent bathes in bleach, according to my cousin, which I later discovered only killed the eggs, and not the adults.
Given a month of insane exposure to bleach, and two months of unbearable itching, my mind began to decay. School started. In short, I broke down and broke up with my girlfriend, so that she could stop trying to come to my house, while I had fucking scabies, because she would have fucking caught it, but hur dur, teenage girls.
So after the scabies finally died out, I was left single, and very confused. I was then hit on by a man on Craigslist, who identified me as "goth". I started looking into the local goth subculture in the city, and met a lot of fun people, two of which who think they are vampires and one who pretends to be a vampire.
So after about two months going to the local gothclub, me and the one who pretends to be a vamp. hook up. She's taken me on the bus at late night, wearing vampire teeth, and I watched as she scared the fuck out of some big black guy.

She's sitting there in a black cap, with her $40 fangs, and red eye contacts. This big, like, 300+ pound black man is sitting across from her, just kind of... starring at her. After a while, they make eye contact, and she leans in and asks "Are you really a vampire?"
And she of course smiles and says, in a weird European accent "Why, yes, I am."
His eyes get wide, and he leans back, almost like he's bracing himself for something. She smiles lightly, and says "Oh don't worry, I've already eaten for tonight."

He very quickly got off a couple stops later. Needless to say, I fell in love.

So are you trying to say your name is Tony? Because that may be the most disgusting part of this repulsive narrative.

Oopsies.