Wow...I like the way you begin each paragraph with some kind of red smiley...let me try:

Aww dang yo, I shit my pants in public and then I got arrested for indecent exposure. I guess I shouldnt have wiped my ass in public. But on another note, the guy in jail finished wiping my ass for me...though it hurts now for some reason.

I also ate my kitty! Eat your fucking kitty. I enjoy kitties with a dash of essence and some gaaarlic! BAM!!