Bah. Sov, HOH, Shinto, keep your bias opinions of sexuality to yourselves. Why not, instead, try disregarding the fact that it was a dream of his and focus on what he wrote from a females POV, because the wording allows it to work that way as well, even if it's not meant to.

Kagom, I happen to like it. IMHO, it captures the innocence and and anxiety that comes with wanting to go further with someone you care for for the first time.

However, you may want to work on the wording of some sentences, and try not to repeat certain words so many times.

Keep it up.