So a few years ago, my buddy Gary, his girlfriend and I are all hanging out at the movie theater he used to be the manager of. She leaves to go grab us sandwiches from Subway. Gary goes into the office to take care of some paperwork.

During this intermission, I decide I'm gonna use the single-occupant restroom and unload the contents of my bowels. I do so, with vigor. However, when it comes time to flush, I find that the toilet is badly clogged and it's gonna require some plunger action in order to whip it back into shape. So, I proceed to plunge the hell out of that shit, working up a bit of a sweat and making slightly more noise than I had expected to. I manage to finally get this massive clog taken care of, and the toilet flushes with this sick, wet half-gurgling noise. I wipe my brow, exit the bathroom and see that Gary's girlfriend has already returned with the food, at least five minutes prior, and is sitting on the steps with a sandwich halfway in her mouth and the most nauseated look on her face I've ever seen a chick display. She doesn't even finish the bite. She just sets the sandwich down, stops eating and won't bring herself to make eye contact with me for the rest of the night.

Then I proceeded to eat my sloppy meatball sub right in front of the two of them. I was in 007 mode that night, guys.