we both have windows xp and we are using a linksys router. What had been happening was i would dedicate a server and it would kick me out of the game open a small command window, and it would gimme a count of seconds it took to launch i could then reopen the game and look for the server i hosted and we could play. Problem is i always get kicked out and have to reopen the entire game all over again.

the other thing is when i got the game hosted i would be in it waiting for my girlfriend to connect, she would push refresh on the server list, untill she found my server, then she would connect but, instead of connecting to the most recent one it would connect to the one we made 30 ago.