Good question. The first part is that emotions bother and perturb me because they make me feel like I'm being controlled by something out of my power. In general I am very logic and left-brained, so feelings confuse the shit out of me. I've been reading some zen monk writings to cultivate the art of mindfulness, but I still need a lot of practice. The second part is that I've always told myself that I wouldn't let myself catch real feelings for someone. This is a fail-safe mechanism I developed to keep myself aloof and invincible. I would be curious to hear if anyone else has developed and subsequently stripped away this emotional shield?


This is inherently difficult for me, I feel naked and vulnerable if I do so. I always have a guard up. For everything. Even after taking down my guard there is still a hidden guard somewhere. I'd like to do away with all of the guards for now. I just need to find all of them, which is taxing.


Surprisingly succinct for a computer!