Thought this was funny

>1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
>ambulance.
>
>
>2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a
>skating rink.
>
>3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
>back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
>cigarettes at the front.
>
>4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,
>and a diet coke.
>
>5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
>pens to the counters.
>
>6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
>driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
>
>7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
>then
>have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
>talk
>to in the first place.
>
>8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
>packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
>
>9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
>process
>so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
>creatures'.
>
>10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
>lettering.
>
>~~~~EVER WONDER ~~~~
>
>Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>
>Why women can't put on mascara with their
>mouth closed?
>
>Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
>
>Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>
>Why is it that doctors call what they do
>"practice"?
>
>Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
>
>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is
>made with real lemons?
>
>Why is the man who invests all your money
>called a broker?
>
>Why is the time of day with the slowest
>traffic called rush hour?
>
>Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>
>When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
>
>Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>
>Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>
>You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
>they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>
>Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
>
>Why are they called apartments when they
>are all stuck together?
>
>If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>
>If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
>~~~~~
>
>In case you needed further proof that the
>human race is doomed through stupidity,
>here are some actual label instructions
>on consumer goods. ~~~~
>
>On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
>sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>
>On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
>inside. (the shoplifter special?)
>
>On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would
>be how??...)
>
>On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
>"just" a suggestion.)
>
>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
>bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
>
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
>(...and you thought????...)
>
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
>wouldn't
>this save me more time?)
>
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
>after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
>construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
>head-colds
>off those forklifts.)
>
>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking
>this
>because???....)
>
>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
>opposed to...what?)
>
>On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
>somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
>On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
>
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
>On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you
>to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
>genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>
>Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the
>stupidity
>and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
>chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every
>once in a while.

FWEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

>On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or >genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Figures they would do something like that.
Chruser ever do something like this? lol

Hahaha, the genitals part just makes it more funny..

I laughed at least four times. Maybe five. I lost count.

Good one jinx, these are hella funny

very good

Old?

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

You could get rich if you sold buns in packs of 10.