Mantralord's guide to getting staff positions at Zelaron.

Ah, Zelaron. A happy land of fun, mischief, and drugs (Adrenachrome). However, anyone with more than 500 posts will soon start to see that there are other ranks at Zelaron besides the regular old poster. Now, you may think that in order to ascend in these ranks, you'd need to be smart and fit for the job...but you'd be PAINFULLY WRONG! Read on to find out the real way to get staff positions at Zelaron:

A) The first letter of your username must start with a capital letter.

This is the big ticket baby. If your username is "galacticon" instead of "Galacticon," you can forget about getting anything more than a regular mod position on a few shitty sub-forums. This is because Chruser and WetWired enjoy cybering on AIM in all caps. Now, if you've already registered a username and didn't capitalize the first letter of it, you're screwed, so you might as well kill yourself and hope to be reincarnated as a higher caste of users with the first letter capitalized.

B) Your username must be legible.

If your username is "Galctcnz" instead of "Galacticon," you can also forget about getting anything beyond a regular mod position. Let's face it, Supreme Moderator and up is where the juicy tid-bits are at, and you don't want to skimp on your chances of getting these positions. Your username must only contain alphabetic characters. You must also not iterate between capitalized and non-capitalized characters, or your chances are also screwed.

C) Your username must contain 2 or 3 syllables, no more and no less.

So you were happy with "Galacticon" and are about to register...but slow down there Timmy! While your username just might get you a staff position, there's still a bit more tweaking we need to do to ensure you get that Supreme Mod position. That's right, we need to make it have 2 or 3 syllables, and you currently have 4! So...let's make it "Galactic." Now you're set.

Well, that's the guide. I'm currently in the process of getting the first letter of my username capitalized, since I meet all the other requirements. I hope my guide has been useful to all aspiring leaders of this wonderful forum.