FUCK the universal word

no, but a tool none the less

I'd envision him as maybe the star-key that doesn't fit anything and has one of the star sidey bits missing.

Or a wooden mallet.

or one of those tools thats not really good for anything and is just really annoying to have around. Like a 2mm piece for a socket wrench. When do you ever use it? Never!

When he reads this he's going to slit his wrists with a butterknife.(plastic)

When he reads this he's going to slit his wrists with a butterknife.(plastic)

I don't see what's wrong with a nice little cross-hatching pattern.

I find the aforementioned cross-hatch less effective than writing chuck norris with a spoon...