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Posted 2005-05-02, 09:54 PM
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Well, I started dating this chick about 3 weeks ago now, but I don't know how into her I am. She isn't the prettiest chick I've dated, but there was something that was different about her that drew me towards her. I have a great time with her, and only a few of my friends have met her, but they haven't said anything to me about her yet, which I hate... I always doubt myself when I start seeing someone, no idea why, but I do.
Anyway, I was in class tonight, and not paying attention. Whenever I have a lot on my mind, I can't concentrate, so I literally just write down whatever thoughts come to my mind. This is what I wrote tonight. What do you think it means?
Am I settling? Have I been looking in the wrong places all along? Do I really care about this girl? Why do I care what others think? Why am I mad that no one has commented about her? Do I really want to know what they think? Or am I just happy with my own thoughts and feelings? Am I doing this for the right reasons? Does it really even matter at this stage in my life? What if I'm truely uncertain? I think I'm happy, but how can I be certain? Will this change in the future? Is there even a future? Should I look for a sign? Or just with my gut instinct? Why not just go with it? Who says I will be the one that hurts her? What if she hurts me? Is me writing all this mean I really like her? Or am I just crazy? I wonder how long this will last? Will my friends like her? Will my parents like her? Does it matter? Or course my parents' opinion matters... Does my friends? Is it bad not hearing anything? Would I rather hear a sincere answer that I don't like or a fake one? Are my standards too high? Should they be? Is it just my ego that wants reassurance? Why isn't her thoughts and actions toward me all that really matter? Why doesn't the way I feel around her make all the difference? Does this mean its not going to last? Did I ask that already? Am I just playing a semantics game with myself? I must stop. Now.


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