Well, apparently those fucking updates screwed over my entire computer. It not only didn't fix my CD-ROM drive, but it also rendered my internet useless, and disabled a few other applications. I did a system restore to get rid of the updates, and everything else is working perfectly, but of course the E: and D: Drives...
I'm about at the point of saying fuck it, I don't care, I just won't use my damn CD capabilities anymore.
Goodbye Diablo, I needed this to happen somehow anyway...