Persuasive Speech

What a hero! He can pick up tanks, fly, and all this other spiffy stuff, but throw a certain rock at him and he's fucked. Pft.

Heh, I guess you have to give him some sort of downfall. So, what is Spidey's kryptonite?

Mary Jane maybe?

Heh, that motivates him if anything.

What if they offed the bitch, would he lose his motivation?

Nah, I'd think he'd go so bonkers that no one would live. Especially not Batman..

Anyways...

My point was spiderman wouldn't have all of the ladies. In the spiderman world, he's considered the bad guy and nobody likes him.

Heh, I guess you have to give him some sort of downfall. So, what is Spidey's kryptonite?

I already told you: his post-teenage insecurities.

Titus, Batman doesn't win his fights by simply beating the hell out of his opponents. He does it by outsmarting them. In fact, his greatest victories have been accomplished with no violence at all, just a keen intellect and the villainous knowledge of how to use his opponent's emotional weaknesses against them.

Not all battles are fought with fists. Batman fights with his mind, and with that brain he has crippled his enemies in legions.

1 word for you titus: Kryptonite.

And red-colored ultrviolet light...and he can't see through lead.

Plus, Spiderman does not really have any destructive powers with the exception of his amazing strength... Which is no match for the Batmobile...

Spiderman: "Let's see how you stand up to my spidey-punch!!!"

Batman: *Laugh as he presses the red button to launch the rocket into Spiderman's face*

He'd be a hell of a lot more subtle than that, Randuin. The fight would begin and Bats would say something to the effect of:

"Parker, just stop. The fight's already over. You remember that Ham and Cheese bagel you ate for breakfast? There was a microscopic neurotoxin capsule hidden in it. The casing completely dissolved in your digestive tract about ten minutes ago and the toxin will be taking effect in three...two...one...now."

*Spidey suddenly goes cross-eyed and collapses on the ground*

The End.

Titus, Bats is a detective. It is his life to learn the secrets of his enemies. Example: at one point Batman was expelled from the Justice League because he spent weeks researching the backgrounds and secrets of the other JLA members. He formed an airtight plan with which he could cripple any of the JLA members should they go rogue. That means Batman, a normal guy with no superpowers, is and was capable of taking down Superman (who is basically immortal), Wonder Woman (same), Green Lantern (who can split atoms with his power ring), Aquaman (the sole ruler of all of Atlantis), Martian Manhunter (10 times the badass that Spiderman is) and the Flash (who can move so fast he can travel through time). Batman was intellectually capable of learning the worst fears and secrets of the most powerful characters in the DC universe. Cracking the Peter Parker egg would take minutes for a guy like him. Batman wins. No contest.

Gladiator would pwn Batman any day.

Titus, Batman doesn't win his fights by simply beating the hell out of his opponents. He does it by outsmarting them. In fact, his greatest victories have been accomplished with no violence at all, just a keen intellect and the villainous knowledge of how to use his opponent's emotional weaknesses against them.

Example please.

And c'mon now. Is that the best you can do? Poison Spidey to win? Let me hear how he would cripple Spidey without throwing a fist or any combatitive move.

a lot like the way Hannibal Lector got that dude to cut away to his own face.

That's actually a great comparison, Mydog.

Titus, I don't know how Bats would beat Parker. I'm not Batman, my brain doesn't function the way his does. Plus, I don't know a hell of a lot about Peter Parker's background. I know that Batman would spend quite w hile harvesting a list of Parker's failures (like his failure to protect his uncle, his failure to protect a girl he was involved with that was killed, etc) and use those failures against him in a battle of wits. Beyond that, he'd do psychological research on Parker's background to learn his emotional and intellectual faults and use them against him as well.

If the movies are any indication of what would happen in that scenario, his powers would start sputtering once his own self-doubts were exposed and Batman would either be able to talk Parker down from the fight or he would take the opportunity to subdue Parker in his now deflated state.

Spiderman's only advantage is his physical attributes. He's a smart kid, but he's not a strategist, and he's not capable of mentally outmaneuvering someone who has spent his entire life conditioning his mind to be a weapon of ultimate destruction. If Peter Parker is capable of being afraid, the Batman will win. Because fear is his greatest ally, and his greatest weapon. Web-slingers and spidey sense won't save him from an emotionally crippling panic attack brought about in the midst of a battle.

Plus, Batman cheats. He'd make sure that the fight took place exactly where he wanted it to take place and the entire area would be rigged with his traps. The traps would be designed to take advantage of Parker's physical shortcomings and his emotional weaknesses as well. He would construct a physical and psychological wormhole from which there would be no escape for Peter Parker.

If you want specifics on it, you'd have to ask someone who is of expert knowledge in regards to both Spiderman and Batman. The person would have to know Parker as Batman would, and would have to understand every last failure and shortcoming that the boy had. I've never read more than a handful of Spiderman comics, so I can't give you any specifics.

Again, though, Bats can beat Superman, and Superman would destroy Spidey.

How exactly did Batman beat Superman? Was it some gay light shining/kyrptonite contest?

Well, Raziel, for that to even be possible, batman would have to somehow know that Spiderman is Peter Parker. I don't think batman would really have an urge to defeat Peter Parker. He would be after spider man.

I know what to do! ASK REDMAGE!

I'm on the job!

How exactly did Batman beat Superman? Was it some gay light shining/kyrptonite contest?

He's used both methods to best Superman. It's not like they fight every week, Titus. The fact that he was independantly able to learn Supes' secrets (and what ridiculously obscure secrets they are) is a testament to his detective skills. On top of that, the fact that he even has samples of Kryptonite in his possession makes him an unfathomably dangerous opponent.

Well, Raziel, for that to even be possible, batman would have to somehow know that Spiderman is Peter Parker. I don't think batman would really have an urge to defeat Peter Parker. He would be after spider man.

Actually, no, he'd be after Peter Parker. Why? Because the image of "Spiderman" gives the individual a certain amount of leverage. It gives them strength. Having that advantage stripped away makes Batman more powerful. It rips away that psychological line of defense between Batman and the normal guy behind the Spiderman mask. Without "Spiderman", the kid is just Peter Parker, a barely adult, self-doubting nerd with a rocky history behind him.

Batman's first line of action would be to learn Spiderman's true identity, because he wasn't born "Spiderman". He's a normal person under that mask, and normal people have issues to exploit. It wouldn't even be that difficult to figure out who he really was anyway. Parker has been leaving a bread-crumb trail a mile wide since donning the mask. What, being constantly in the right place at the right time to snap photos of Spidey in action, the both of them constantly involved in heroics and emotional attachment with Mary Jane Watson and not to mention the substantial list of Spidey's enemies who have learned his secret over the course of time. Bats has an innumerable stockade of sources with which to figure out who Parker really is.

Once that is accomplished, it's simple detective work, and Batman is a master detective. He'd go through the entire back catalogue of Spidey's previous failues, both emotionally and heroically and use them to his advantage. He'd research and document all of the enemies that Spidey has either flat-out lost to, or at least been beaten silly by and he'd figure out the most effective strategies that each of those villains employed. He'd concoct an amalgam master plan of attack, using all of the successful elements of those villains' previous encounters with Parker, and omitting the flaws. He'd then combine that plan with his knowledge of Parker's emotional and heroic shortcomings, he'd make sure that the location in which they fought would be to his choosing, he'd rig the hell out of the arena with his traps and would use his cunning to demolish Parker's resolve before the fight even began. Parker would enter the fight confident in his abilities, Batman would lay the psychological smack-down on his enemy causing his participation in the fight to either die completely or falter severely, and then Batman would finish him off by using his infallible amalgam master plan of attack. He would have every contingency spotted and dealt with ahead of time, he would have every one of his attacks (both psychological and physical) fine-tuned to the point of being fail-proof and Peter Parker would lie helpless at his feet within moments.

That is why Batman is the most dangerous comic character ever created. Peter Parker doesn't stand a chance.

Well, I'm not exactly sure about this, but was Peter Parker even a teenager? I know recently(with the spiderman TV show on MTV and the movies) be bas been shown as an older teenager, but in the old cartoons/comics, he always seemed to be an adult.

He was a teenager in the beginning, grew into a young 20-year-old and then never aged beyond that.

I'm still asking RedMage. He owns you.