So

I really don't know what I'm doing wrong, though. I mean, I answer all the questions like I'm a perfect robot specifically for following directions.

That's one thing you're doing wrong. Answering too negatively or far too positively is a red flag. You need to answer like a normal human being, though I'm sure that's hard for you.

Stop being a tard. And I'm serious. Just be as human as possible when answering. They won't bother with you if you sound too perfect or too negative. And call back. ALWAYS call back.

How often, and how soon?

I recommend at least a couple of days after you apply. See if they had a chance to look it over. Wait a few more days and if you haven't heard anything call again. When I got my job at Toys R Us I had about called the store nearly every day.

It seems everyone is either getting a job at Toys R Us, or some kind of Military job. No, really, everyone I know is either one or the other(or jobless), at this point.