The first one was very boring and sounded like almost every poem gothic cam whores write. Nothing original or inspiring, and so cliched it was close to parody.
However the second one posted here I enjoyed. Interesting paralells to weight lifting. They rythm was a bit inconsistant I think though, unless I read it wrong (I do that sometimes) Overall though, I liked it.
I would say continue writing though, both of you. The more you write, the more your creativity will develop and maybe turn into your own unique style.
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