|
Here is some funny storiesÂ….
Story number 1)
A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society. "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression _expression by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple. "Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there's no African-American depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch
Story number 2)
Here's one for the "liberated" women:
Women's Lib International Conference
The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband, Barry, that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day, I saw nothing. The second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast Lamb." (The crowd cheered).
The second speaker from Russia, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told my husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. The first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw nothing, but on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his own washing, mine as well.(The crowd again cheered).
The third speaker, a Filipino lady from Manila, stood up and said, "After last year's conference, I went home and told that lazy husband of mine, Pedro, that I was through getting his slippers, cooking his meals all the time, washing his underwear and that he was going to have to do them himself.(The crowd went wild with cheering and clapping that lasted for five long minutes). She continued, After the first day, I see nothing. After the second day, again I see nothing, but after the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
* she called me to get my phone number.
* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
*she tried to drown a fish.
*she thought a quarterback was a refund.
*she tripped over a cordless phone.
*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
*she studied for a blood test.
*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
*when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home.
*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
Another funny story
George had been a compulsive worrier for years until he found a way to overcome this problem. His friends noticed the dramatic change. "You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore." "I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week," George replied. "I haven't had a single problem since." "A thousand a week?" said his friend. "How the hell are you going to pay him?" "Fuck him. That's his problem."
funny blond joke
A young little blonde girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mom and says: "Mommy today at school we learned how to count.
Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! That's good,innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blonde?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blonde."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mommy today at school we learned the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K! That's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blonde."
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mommy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D at her mum. "Is that because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25.
IMPOSSIBLE WORDS TO SAY WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK
Thanks, but I don't want sex.
No, I don't want another drink.
No kebab for me thank you.
Sorry, but you're not good looking enough for me.
Good evening officer
I'm not interested in fighting you.
No one wants to hear me sing.
Another funny storyÂ…
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom, This way my cigarette doesn't get wet .
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a camel.
The pharmacist fainted.
thanx titus for the help !!
Last edited by J_iceman; 2003-09-03 at 03:33 PM.
|
 |
Linear Mode
